today grey…

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fell off the bed. our bed. my bed. the king size bed. she fell off and took my husband’s pillow with her. so she landed on said pillow but still. she fell off the freaking bed and i swear my heart stopped. i put her in the center of our bed surrounded by pillows and blankets (we haven’t made our bed since she was born). i put her down and walked into the living room to pick up a toy or something equally non important and i heard a thud. in the mere fraction of a second between the thud and my racing into the bedroom my heart stopped. my poor little 6 month old was on a pillow on the floor in that silent, mouth gaping cry where you know the next sound is going to be the biggest sobbing cry you have ever heard. i scooped her up and held her and the tears, oh the tears. i searched for the gaping head wound that i would be beat myself up for the rest of my life and found none. but i found a small spot of blood on her cheek. and then i realized that my sweet dear fell off the bed and hit her chubby cheek on the corner of the nightstand.

i panicked and raced to my brother’s house next door because i knew they would have an ice pack. have i ever mentioned how my brother and his wife are so much more together than me? they totally are. i digress. my mom was there babysitting my nephew. i felt my panic turn into relief upon seeing my mom. my thoughts screamed “someone who knows what the hell they are doing! yay!” i often feel like every other parent has a secret manual that i didn’t get. probably because my insurance sucks.

at this point Grey had completely stopped crying upon seeing my mom and her cousin. i grabbed the ice pack that my sister-in-law had in her freezer and wrapped it in a towel and put it on Grey’s cheek. and all she wanted to do was stare at her cousin. she was completely unfazed by the fall. meanwhile i burst into tears thinking how my daughter will have brain damage, or a concussion or worse a memory of the fall that she will use against me in the future. “Mom I didn’t pass the test because of that time you let me fall out of your bed onto the floor.” the guilt. oh the Catholic guilt is strong with me even though i don’t even believe in God anymore.

my Mom, the calmest person i know, talked me down and observed how Grey hadn’t thrown up and she seemed normal and asserted that Grey was fine. when we were kids i remember my Mom asking “Did you break something? Are you bleeding? No? Then you are fine.” when we would whine to her. i was a complete drama queen (big shock) so she had to choose her battles.

 

the good news, Grey is no worse for wear. she has a small bruise and scratch on her right cheek. she even napped and woke up in a good mood. but me, well i’m just waiting for her first words to be “head trauma”.

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One thought on “today grey…

  1. Due to my lapse in concentration and judgement my son fell off the change table on to the floor!!! This was frightening and horrible. He was fine – I was not. I feel your pain!

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